University community in shock after ANU Bar DJ plays non-techno track

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ANU Bar’s happy hour was unsettled by a terrible controversy last Thursday, after a resident DJ (who cannot be named for security purposes), opted to play a track involving guitars and drums. Whilst an investigation is underway at the present time, we can reveal that the track in question occurred around 5:15pm – the height of happy hour.

Eyewitness Ally Chen reported that the track “may have been Sticky Fingers or DMA’s … although those are the only two guitary bands I know so if it wasn’t them I wouldn’t have a clue”.

“There was a sudden and deafening silence amongst the people around me,” Ally recalled, “once we realized what was actually happening we got out of there as quickly as possible”.

On Friday morning we took to Union Court, where the atmosphere was subdued and strangely quiet. One third year student stated:

“I think we’re all still coming to terms with what happened yesterday evening. I know many of my friends were too distraught to leave their rooms this morning, but life goes on I suppose.”

Amongst others, however, the pain had turned into anger:

“How could they let this happen? If I can’t be greeted by two straight hours of repetitive bass drum thumping on a Thursday afternoon then what do I have to live for? Someone has to be held accountable”, said a first year law student wearing Nike Free Runs and a Ralph Lauren cap.

His friend, wearing a different colour Ralph Lauren cap, chimed in: “at one point I could actually hear what the person sitting across from me was saying, it was disgraceful”.

In light of the scandal, ANU Bar and Woroni Radio have issued a joint press release:

“We are greatly disappointed that such an incident has occurred and we promise to do everything in our power to ensure that such a gross breach of protocol does not happen again. To all the concerned students from Sydney’s eastern suburbs, we can, with the utmost certainty, guarantee that next Thursday will be wall to wall Boris Brejcha”.

News of the ANU Bar controversy has sent shockwaves through universities all over Australia. The hash tag ‘#istandwithANUbar’ has been created in order for fellow university students throughout the country to show solidarity with all those affected at ANU.