To Dearest Tony,

What ever would we do without you? It recently came to my attention that without the guiding wisdom of the White Middle Aged Man in concentrated high positions of power, the world would definitely struggle to continue on its current path. Your bodacious bod, seen numerous times in those babelicious budgie smugglers, is the archetypal image that all men should aspire to and your international reputation is beyond compare. I once thought George Bush was a bit of a fox, but my Golly, I was sorely mistaken.

You consistently touch our hearts with your concern for the welfare of students, Indigenous and those more vulnerable in the Australian community. Although, you sometimes unintentionally forget about these important people in society, we completely understand your need to put the comfort of the wealthier ahead of those who need it, much less understand it, and help you maintain your position as Prime Minister of Australia. It can be hard to make the future generation’s education a priority and it is rather fortunate that you believe that education should have a price; it must have been desperately hard growing up and having free university, hey Tony? Alas, do not concern yourself, my parents will put it on the tab along with my new Mercedes.

I wish that you could see how much your compassion instils safety and hope in the minds of the refugees you pluck from the sea and rescue from their worst terrors. I know asking you to have compassion for students, elderly, Indigenous people, refugees and the vulnerable is a terrible and challenging task; but once again you rise to the challenge like a venerable shooting star sent from the heavens above. And yes, I totally understand the fact you can’t support same-sex marriage rights; why would anyone want to empathise with a minority anyway, even less an alien presence in the family?

Australia’s future depends on you Tony; your wisdom, perseverance and keen intellect is truly a wonder and a godsend for Australia.