Tips for a perfect O-Week

  1. Install Instagram

You don’t want to waste your O-week taking bland, rectangular photos do you? Before you even get to campus, make sure Instagram is installed on your smart phone. If you don’t have a smart phone…well, there’s not really much point in you coming at all. An O-week without documenting every cocktail, event, meal, and textbook purchase is an O-week not worth having. Nothing quite says ‘I’m here to learn’ like a slightly blurred around the edges, low-fi photo of your books on a lunch table.

  1. Get drunk and meet people

Meeting people is all fine and dandy, but how are you supposed to sustain a real friendship with no drunk memories to fondly look back on? When you get drunk and embarrass yourself in front of new friends, you have a conversation starter for at least two weeks (at which point you need to get drunk with them again to make some more new memories).

  1. Sign up for societies you have no intention of participating in

Well, you can participate in them I suppose…but it’s mainly just so you can tell your future employers that during your time at the ANU you were a member of the Law Society, Sociology Society, Film Society, Drama Society, Agriculture Society, Fishing Society, Lamp Society, Society Society, etc, etc, etc. Yep. Your resume just got awesome.

  1. Attend as many events as you can

They may seem lame to you now, but you’re going to have to sit through a semester of people talking about all the exciting drama that occurred during them. Don’t you want to join in? Show the plebs how much fun you can be! “Oh my God did you see that girl fall off the stage in the pizza eating competition?” “Yes, yes I did.”

  1. Look your best!

For the next three years you’re going to be too hung over to actually take pride in your appearance, so try and pack your O-Week with as many good-looking days as possible. Your peers will have this first O-week as a memory to get them through the next three years knowing that once, long ago, you actually did brush your hair.

  1. Sign up for the campus gym

Most gyms have a café or something, right?

  1. Do NOT attend orientation lectures

I know you must be excited about starting university for the first time, but seriously, I’m here to help. Here’s my summary of the important things they’ll spend hours talking about:

Make a study plan!

–        There are student advisors to help you every step of the way

–        Drink in moderation (LOL)

–        Join the Student Union!

And then when you think it’s all over, they’ll point you in different directions to even more exciting orientations like the ‘Library Tour’ or the ‘Essay Writing Tips Seminar’.

Follow these tips, and you are sure to have the best O-Week ever!

You’re welcome.