As a middle class, white, able bodied Sydneysider, it can be hard to have something legitimate to complain about. It is an endless struggle to find inspiration for relatable, self-deprecating humour, so that people will think I’m J-Law levels of cute and quirky. It is for this reason that I thank my lucky stars that my blind-as-bats parents passed on their shortsighted genes to me.
The experience of disintegrating 20/20 vision was not only humbling, but a journey of self-discovery. Not only do I now have the sustenance for many kind-of-but-not-really funny anecdotes, but I am also privy to a whole other world of benefits of which I previously had no knowledge.
For one thing, glasses are just cute. We all remember the nerd trend that graced the pages of teen magazines a few years ago. Now YOU can revive that iconic 2012 look with the real deal (not just 3D glasses from the cinema). That ‘smart but sophisticated’ vibe is a hit, and can afford all sorts of privileges – such as being called on by lecturers because you always have to sit in the front row. It also gives you another way to ‘express the inner you’. For example, red frames could express your burning hatred of the world. Clear frames could mean that you secretly have a passion for interior design.
Don’t want to wear glasses because it’ll mess with your #aesthetic? Contact lenses freak you out? Don’t worry, the visual impairment itself also brings joy and excitement. Everything is a fun surprise! It’s always a great time when you realise that the giant black thing coming towards you is actually a cyclist gesturing for you to get out of the way. Further, the blissful state of fuzziness means you’ll never have to see the pure harshness of the reality of the world you live in! How fun!
Not one for small talk and regular social interaction? You now have the perfect excuse – ‘oh sorry didn’t see you there’ becomes ALMOST semi-believable, and you can avoid having to flash the obligatory smile to an acquaintance in the street. What an effort. You don’t have time for that!
So, if you’re bummed about losing your high quality vision, remember there are plenty of things to be appreciative of. And at the end of the day if you haven’t gotten enough social validation of your attractiveness in glasses, you can always schedule a Mia Thermopolis-esque reveal by swapping into contacts.
We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and emerging. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.