Fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes, they can be found on online dating sites and in real life. My good friend Tom and I decided to co-author a list to help YOU identify the differences by utilising all the colours of the rainbow!!!!!
Level 1 – Violet
“But that doesn’t happen in real life?!?!”
What you would call the “at-risk” fuckboys. They are unaware of their privilege but there is still hope! I mean, they’re only unaware because they never had to think about it, with some guidance, these potential fuckboys can be salvaged. They will attempt to listen, but identifying their privilege and accidental sexism may not be second nature to them, yet. Much patience is required.
Level 2 – Indigo
The Retro Sexist/Kitchen Joker
“Why aren’t you in the kitchen? *Laughs at own shitty joke*”
These fools wouldn’t actually go out of their way to hurt you, however, they would probably be the first to tell you that you’re being too sensitive because you find a sexist joke offensive (e.g. women belong in the kitchen, RAPE JOKES LOL). Funnily enough, they are also the first to lash out when you make a joke about bathing in their male tears. Unlike the Violets, they are not at all interested in understanding your frame of reference.
Level 3 – Blue
“Your a idiot” “I would penetrate the fuck out of your vagina!”
These ones are super dense and entitled, but luckily for you, they’re dumb enough to weed themselves out instantly. They’re the trolls you’ll find in all the crevices of 9gag, 4chan, and reddit, and there’s an overabundance of these fuckers on dating sites. A typical 9gagger can’t string a sentence together, and tries a little too hard to bait feminists.
Level 4 – Green
The Nice GuyTM
“But I am a nice guy!” “FEMINAZIS STOLE MY ICE CREAM!” “I took the red pill”… and other nonsense
This is when they start to get sneaky. They trap you in a conversation and then BOOM, they pressure you for a meet up/time alone/sex and make you feel bad for rejecting them because THEY WERE SO NICE.
Level 5 – Yellow
“Well, actually…” MANSPLAINERS! AMIRITE?!?!?!
You pay attention to them because you’re relieved you’ve found someone with a wider vocabulary than “I’m gonna fuck ur tits!”. They seemed nice enough, so you try to listen to where they’re coming from – but then you realise their words reek of underlying misogyny as they “authoritatively” explain things to you that they don’t know shit about.
Level 6 – Red
“Let me tell you about your feminism,” quoth, The male feministTM
This is when they get really dangerous. They seem like they are well read on feminism and they seem to empathise with what you’re saying. I mean they’ve read The Feminine Mystique cover to cover! They must know EVERYTHING ABOUT FEMINISM! However, what they are really good at invalidating your experiences and emotions, but you don’t realise it, because they’re using the right lingo.
Watch out for when they carry on as if they know more about your experiences as a woman than you do. Clearly, they know better.
Spoiler: They don’t!
In summation, fuckboys differ in extremity and come from all walks of life. Their intelligence and motives are varied, so it is worth distinguishing their differences.
There is certainly one thing they all have in common, however, and that is they’re all fucking pathetic.
We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and emerging. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.