The Cabinette: Bronwyn Goes Home After Date From Hell

In a shocking twist on last week’s episode of the Cabinette, contestant Bronwyn Bishop was sent home after disaster date with Mr Rabbit. Rather than being lavished with exquisite dinners and glittering jewels in traditional Cabinette style, Bishop was mercilessly subjected to flying on a private helicopter all by herself. After a series of unfortunate (albeit coincidental) events, the Parliamentary Secretary left the Cabinette confessing tearfully: “It felt like it was all a joke and everybody was laughing at me.” Fortunately, she assured the team at Moroni that “she’ll be ok” and “has extravagant plans for the future”.

Mr Rabbit has clearly stated that the Cabinette was never about having a conscience as this is what Australians never expected anyway. Rather, it was about remaining conscious during question time because falling asleep like Mr Clive Palmer was a bad look for the reality TV show.

Bishop has since commented that her portrayal by the media as a high-maintenance princess that spent tax-payer’s hard-earned money on expensive on helicopter rides was utterly misconstrued. She viciously retorted via her Instagram account with a picture of herself in Chanel suit and gum boots with the caption “basic bitchez”. Bishop later explained that the picture was meant to inspire young women to live up to their full potential and not let their rights be stunted by the fiscal limitations of men. Since leaving the Cabinette, Bishop has allegedly taken up food eroticism as a hobby and aspires to compete on MasterChef, Australia’s second best reality TV show.

Meanwhile, in the Cabinette, it has been alleged that things are getting rather hot and grimy between Mr Rabbit and Bill Shorten, who until last week remained completely irrelevant. Shorten, who is only slightly younger (and better looking) that Mr Rabbit, was spotted emerging from Seafolly with what looked appeared to be a pair of baby blue budgie smugglers. Flirting with Mr Rabbit? Yes, we do believe so.

Moroni will be back shortly with an update on who receives a whip this week. We wish Bronwyn the best of luck in her future as a MasterChef contestant.