If you’re reading this right now, it means you’re most likely not having sex. Does your sex life need a bit of excitement? The single bed in your college not enough? If you’re new to university, then you’re probably expecting the next several years of your life to be an alcohol fuelled sex-capade. And indeed, O-Week does promise a bit of that: the unsupervised nights, the scent of sex in the air and the crazy American Pie-esque parties. But if you’ve been around the block a few times, and you’re looking for a few more places to bump uglies, we’ve got a list of the best places to commit your favourite act of debauchery around campus that are guaranteed to spice up your sex life.
1. Hancock Library Basement: Yes, it’s a classic. And yes, 6 out of 10 ANU students surveyed have said they’ve had sex there already, but that leaves 4 students who have not yet fulfilled the“late night in the library” fantasy. You probably want to wait until around 9-11pm at night, and bring the ball gag. Unfortunately, noise carries quite easily in here, so you best be quiet. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. (Library bingo can be achieved by taking on all 5 libraries in a week – Menzies, Hancock, Law, Chifley and Art School)
2. Manning Clark Lecture Theatre 1: The smell of first year lectures lingers in the air; the perfect aphrodisiac. You can perform the horizontal hula any time after hours, as the theatre is usually left open and unattended. Chairs are everywhere for your comfort, and audio-visual aid is available in the form of a giant projection screen. Just don’t forget to clean up after yourself.
3. Mount Ainslie Lookout: I know it’s not on campus, but it’s a short distance away. Complete with a scenic 360 view of Canberra, it’s the perfect location for a romantic bump and grind with your partner. It’s no wonder that it’s #3 on Trip Advisor for the top attractions in Canberra. Just be prepared to be seen by other exhibitionist couples and the occasional runner. Bring a picnic basket for the post-coitus snack.
4. Llewellyn Hall: On the stage, in the dressing room, anywhere really. This building is a cornerstone of music and culture in Canberra and it’s a perfect place for you to make your mark. The Wig & Pen is situated near the entrance, for some hydration afterwards.
5. Vice-Chancellor’s Residence: The only way to describe it is high risk, high reward (the reward being the orgasmic feeling of literally spraying semen around one of the most important buildings on campus). Getting caught would probably lead to some sort of university offence, but the adrenaline rush would totally be worth it.
6. Law School Tennis Courts: You’ll be shouting “come on” as your slow attempts to get yourself ready for sex gets you caught. Skip the warm up and go straight to the match, because you’re completely visible here.
7. Hancock West (Upper Level): Lucky last! This is a personal secret of the author. As you enter the upper level of Hancock West, go up the elevators and exit on the used top level. There are some old office rooms, but you can ignore them and head straight to the balcony. From here, you have all the time in the world to take a trip to pound town. Just don’t fall off.
From lecture theatres to the great outdoors, your sex life is bound for a few thrills.
Author’s note: The author accepts no responsibility for any consequences that arise from following the advice of this article.