It is well- known that at ANU, opinions are harder to come by than a decent Wi-Fi connection. We need THOUGHTS. And not the thoughts of the countless academics who have spent years working for their doctorates. The void in our campus psyche can only be filled by the thoughts of people on Stalkerspace.
These elusive creatures are notoriously shy. It is only occasionally that they will choose to bestow their pearls of wisdom unto the masses, even though we urgently require more. To resolve the issue, the following test has been devised to encourage the geniuses among us to be more forthcoming. If YOU are feeling hesitant about sharing your opinion with thousands of people, take the test below to determine if it up to scratch!
A. A person with an actual degree who has dedicated years of your life to studying the topic.
B. An undergrad student going through a post-adolescent idealistic phase who Googled the topic five minutes ago.
C. Not even attending ANU but you’ve already expressed your opinion on tumblr/4chan and you want to make sure your thoughts have #reach.
Is your opinion based on:?
A. Extensive research and hard statistics.
B. Personal experience.
C. That Buzzfeed article on sexism that just really got you thinking.
A. Actively looking for others’ input.
B. Open to the thoughts of others if they are well- reasoned.
C. Smugly immune to any counter- arguments but still feel the need to fight with every single individual who writes some outraged reply to your post.
Do you post on Stalkerspace?
A. Every now and again, just when you want to discuss something you’re passionate about.
B. Daily, but honestly only 10% of your contributions are actual opinions; the rest are memes and photographs of parking inspectors.
C. Twice, every day, normally at 3am because you don’t want the admins to sleep.
You have taken an extremely conservative stance on a forum which is obviously predominantly left-leaning. It is not going down well. You are:
A. Wondering why you even did this.
B. Engaging in fifteen arguments at once.
C. Simply OUTRAGED that nobody is agreeing with you.
You’ve been blocked! Your thoughts are:
A. “Fair enough, I did kind of insult like seven different ethnicities.”
B. “Me being banned from a public forum is clearly an indication that free speech is DEAD. WE ARE LIVING IN A FUCKING GEORGE ORWELL NOVEL. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.”
C. “This is the fault of The System and has nothing to do with any of my shortcomings as a human being even though I literally publicly wished death on another person.”
You encounter someone of a different gender/ethnicity/sexual orientation. You:
A. Accept their opinions, someone in their position would have valuable perspectives to offer.
B. Listen to their opinions and personal experiences, and then politely tell them that they are wrong and don’t understand anything.
C. Inform them of what they are thinking, feeling, doing and experiencing before they even have a chance to say a word.
Exam week is:
A. A couple of months away.
B. Next week.
C. Right now. At this very moment. People need to sleep. People need to study. They literally need to be doing anything other than scrolling through the 500+ comment internet fight that I am about to start.
Mostly C’s: No.
Mostly B’s: No.
Mostly A’s: Fucking go back to the start and learn how to be honest with yourself.