LOV3001 with Professor Love: My Billionaire Uncle

Dear students,

Today I will unravel a rather common fallacy among young boys, and sadly, even fully grown men about the magnetic power of another person’s wealth to help you score. You see, I had the pleasure of meeting an ANU student who professed his seductive prowess, and his legitimacy to be picky with women as sexual partners because of his billionaire uncle. Yes, that’s right, billionaire uncle. I’d like to point out that this guy is still…somewhat unexperienced and has all sorts of other issues blocking his way to being a real catch of a guy. So boys, or to anyone reading this, keep in mind that someone else’s accomplishments doesn’t by default make you cool, especially in this case here.

You see, the biggest problem here is that, by relying on the fact that your uncle is a billionaire to pull chicks actually makes you a massive dick. You needn’t flash off to girls on tinder your photos of you sitting in another man’s Alpha Romeo, a photo you took of the Burj Al Arab, nor actively tell people after a couple a couple of drinks your “hidden secret” of seductive wealth.  In most cases all you’ll do is pull the kind of person who is so deeply material that you’ll never maintain the level of constant perfection that this kind of person expects, or you’ll be kidnapped behind Mooseheads and held for ransom. Wouldn’t you also be just permanently putting yourself up for comparison with your relative?

The most important thing you can take away from this is the reality that you need to spend time on yourself accruing that kind of internal gold that makes you radiate genuine confidence and sexual appeal, not on focusing on the accomplishments of others. Sure, I hear you say, but what about social proofing or leveraging others to your advantage? Well these have their merits, but only after you have the fundamentals down.

Otherwise, until you’re the smoothest cat in the bar and drop the line, (I dare you) “So my billionaire uncle”, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure, remember- she don’t want no scrubs, even those with a billionaire relative.

Your billionaire Professor Love.

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and emerging. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.