Prof Love LOV3001: Relationships

 

What’s stopping you from getting into a great relationship you deserve?

This is a throwback to one of my earlier columns. Basically, to those of you who have a handle on dating, meeting people and being a pretty cool cat, this is for you. The lesson, in a nutshell, is stop bullshitting yourself. Just, see reality for what it is. Take the time to reflect on what exactly is happening, without all the emotional blurring for just a second. This moment of clarity will enable you to make the best moves to help you along with your goals in dating.

I’ve got three big things to share with you during this reflection, check yourself if you’re doing the following things, for if you don’t you’ll wreck yourself fool. (Just had too).

1) Are you projecting your interest on the person? What does this mean? Basically, you might be smitten with them and are therefore interpreting all their actions out of context. Some examples are, you’ve just met someone, got their contact details, and you keep contacting them when they are only making small talk or never reach out to you. Another is that you’ve gone on like two dates and you’re ready to be their other half already and then you start acting like it when its way too soon. Or, things might have fizzled out already and you think that it’s all good between the two of you because you’re super keen, and you’re blinded by your interest from their actual level of interest in you.

2) Are you overrating what is happening? This is directly related to what I said before.  Just because he added you on facebook doesn’t mean you can send him a notification that you want him as your boyfriend. Have you just started dating and she calls you her boyfriend and then you think everything is peachy even though she’s pulling back because she’s unsure of herself?

3) Finally the opposite: under rating what is happening? This is usually worse that over rating when you are trying to get dates or get into the pool. Some classic examples I’ve seen you receive a genuine compliment from a guy and you totally don’t get that he’s being sincere, you let you’re insecurities come to the fore. Another is that you’ve made all sorts of progress in yourself, you’re a better person, people are noticing, but you are down playing how far you’ve come.  The last I can think of is that, you’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, and they might be totally ready to get exclusive, but you down play this. Yet, that is in my view, probably better than overrating the same situation.

So remember guys, it’s important to be able to stop and reflect and make sure that you aren’t fooling yourself. When you are just too keen on someone, you can fail to read the signs, and get hung up on someone for way too long. If you’re over rating what is going on, you’re most likely going to push that person away or make a move too quickly. If you’re under rating what’s going on, you might blow it by never picking up on signals because of a lack of optimism.  All in all, this related directly back to a fundamental in dating, and that is to be aware of what’s going on, nothing more nothing less.