It’s no secret that there has been a lot of bad press surrounding Canberra’s favourite nightspot recently. Just last month, a man was assaulted leaving the club. In April, another man was coward-punched on the street right outside the venue. In an attempt to control this growing media storm, the London Circuit Nightclub has announced that it will be instituting a Berghain-inspired door policy. But, in typical Mooseheads fashion, they will be denying entry to individuals with any sort of style, class or dignity.
Following the lead of the notorious Berlin nightclub, famous for its uber-strict entry rules, Mooseheads bouncers will now be very selective with whom they allow in their establishment. Luckily, Woroni has been issued with a document specifying these conditions, so we can all go about our trash Thursday night lives, without the fear of being turned away at the door.
1. Individuals must arrive in large numbers and are required to talk loudly in the line.
2. Individuals must consume at least 8 standard drinks prior to entry.
3. For men – items of clothing bought from Tarocash, yd., Roger David and Industrie are encouraged. However, if you want to be certain of gaining entry, a tight Fluro button up, or any t-shirt with an Aztec pocket design should do the trick.
4. For women – items from Ice, Valleygirl, or Gluestore are favored.
5. Membership of John XXIII College is preferred.
6. Proficiency at any arcade game that involves shooting deer for sport is encouraged.
Whilst many onlookers interviewed have stated that they believed such a door policy was already in place at the club, this decision is likely to have a major impact on Canberra’s nightlife. Can Mooseheads survive yet another controversy? Only time will tell.
We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and emerging. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.