THE MAN BUN. Grow one. It’s not a hairdo for every Tom, Dick or Harry, but if you don’t mind waiting a year for it to grow, occasionally being mistaken for a girl when you let your hair down and being told at least twice a day to get a haircut, then it’s for you. The pros, not including those above, consist of job opportunities like barista at a vegan café or full time Bondi hipster: this goes to show that it’s not just a hairdo but a lifestyle choice. So you should start listening to Triple J most days, not just once a year on Australia Day. And if you haven’t already accepted Chet Faker as your Lord and Saviour, do so stat. Here are my tips for growing your own man bun luscious locks.
- Patience mahn
Don’t be disheartened at the length of time it takes to develop this godly look. Your fellow weaker bros may give up during that awkward transitional stage when you look like a dead-set mop head with hair not long enough to tie up, but just enough to have you being accused of emulating a Justin Bieber haircut. Persist, my friend, for at the end of that rainbow is a pot of gold.
- Length is key
Just ask any girl, they’ll all tell you that longer is better. Providing more leverage and increased number of positions you can put your man bun into. Some may tell you it’s better to get it snipped to keep it looking healthy, but this is your manhood we are talking about.
- Rinse and repeat
When it gets to a certain stage you’ve got to wash. Condition. Brush. Generally speaking, love your hair and it will love you back. If not, it’s knots, whether you like it or not.
- Don’t be afraid
The unknown is scary, but don’t be afraid to commit to the bun. And when you’re having a shower and look down at your hand to see a clump of hair has come out, it’s probably not male pattern baldness, this happens when hair reaches such long lengths. Really, it’s a sign that you’ve succeeded.
- Stop the knot
If you feel like you don’t have the stamina to get all the way to a full bodied bun, which takes a hair length that’ll hit your hips, do not shave the sides and then use your little sister’s braces band to put your hair into a top knot the size of a frankfurt. Just don’t do it. You’re not fooling anyone.
We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present and emerging. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.