EAT // BURGER BAR

The London: Burger and Beers

121 London Circuit

The London: Burger and Beers makes great burgers. As it should, being the named service. Inexpensive and delicious the burgers really are fabulous. Unfortunately the rest of the experience fails miserably. The décor is Louis XIV on crack and the music is pumping top 40 from 3 years ago. The seating is uncomfortable with the high top tables never actually being able to fit the food and your drinks at once. They have colossal television screens everywhere with semi-pornographic music videos playing, just in case the wall paper wasn’t distracting enough to really put you off your dinner.

But the worst part about The London is the clientele.  The London is full of fat tradies with tattoos taking their belly baring, faux blonde roots showing, girlfriends. These girls never actually eat, they just do their best to not look too bored by the fact that there is no conversation with their fat boyfriends, due to the fact that these delightful men are distracted by Britney Spears’ gyrating ass on the television in front of them. The other patrons whom you can expect to be frequenting The London are the footy club boys starting their night out, lining their stomachs with as many carbohydrates as possible before heading down the street to Shooters. If you’re lucky enough you may even have the delightful experience of seeing one such ‘footy boy’ take on the London Challenge, in which one tries to stuff oneself full of as much beer and food as possible before rolling out the door. It’s actually quite a spectacle. Food everywhere, beer dripping down chins, burping, farting, mouths open – an experience not to be missed.

So in conclusion, The London: Burger and Beers does burgers well. But to be honest, you really don’t want to go there unless you’ve screwed someone else and are feeling guilty, so you take the boy to somewhere they’ll enjoy to make yourself feel better. I say, lose the boy and the burgers and go somewhere you won’t be confronted with beer bellied grossness eating with their mouths open as you walk in the front door.