Casual observers and invested stakeholders alike have been left astounded by social media behaviour that has been labelled ‘unprecedented’, after Sam Brown, 21, of Daley Road, tagged Amelia Thistlethwaite, 21, of Ainslie, in a video of a baby deer learning how to jump.
Sources close to the pair report that Thistlethwaite was left rattled by the shockingly public act of deeply intimate Facebook tagging. The pair have only been on two half-hearted dates, buffered by slightly-less-than-infrequent, 3 am post-Civic bouts of ‘deeply average’ heterosexual intercourse.
‘I mean, it was completely out of the blue,’ Thistlethwaite reportedly stated. ‘He goes to Johns. He has a stunted man bun. He wears Hawaiian shirts to Mooseheads in winter. I just didn’t think this was his style.’
Thistlethwaite’s concern was compounded by the fact that the tag in question occurred at 7.30 pm on a Friday night, a time roundly described by her mates as ‘unsettlingly family-friendly’.
The wounded Brown received no acknowledgement from Thistlethwaite in the comment section, but plenty of flak from his friends at college dinner. He is preparing to return to his proven method of attracting and securing the interest of women: sending increasingly sporadic flirty bants at uncomfortable hours over ever-more ephemeral means of communication, and generally displaying the emotional range of a sprouting potato.