How to Make a Horror Film

Interested in making a horror film but don’t know where to start? Well today is your lucky day because I’m here to guide you on your way.

1. Location, location, location!

Only an amateur would set his film in simply a mental asylum. It should be a mental asylum built on an ancient Indian burial ground. There was a doctor there who did cruel experiments on the patients. There was a horrible fire and all the doctors and nurses were killed. Now it is either abandoned or has been transformed into a University dormitory (I’ll leave the choice up to you).

2.  Fake-documentary

It started with the Blair Witch Project and has culminated into a million Paranormal Activity movies. Not only does it seem to be increasingly popular, but it’s also cheap. Not only do you not need to spend money on expensive special effects, you also don’t even need to hire cameramen because your budget cast can hold the cameras. Genius.

3. Cast

Speaking of budget cast! Casting non-celebrities is the best option for you. Not only will it make at least a quarter of the population believe it’s real (a la Cannibal Holocaust and the aforementioned Blair Witch Project), but it will also save you a tonne of cash! DOUBLE WHAMMY AWESOME! The fact that they aren’t too popular also means when your creative and original movie takes off, they’ll be available for as many sequels as your brilliant mind can conjure.

4. Timing

It’s all about timing my friends! To show how much of an expert you are on wiccan practices, make sure the events of the plot occur on a solstice EXACTLY 50 years after the murder-massacre-fire-spell-witch hunt that originally caused your location to become haunted.

5. Characters.

Although Cabin in the Woods explores characters pretty well, let’s ignore them. You’re much too creative to fall for those stereotypes. In order to have a perfect horror film you need the following characters:

– Girl, white: Voice of reason, moral, doesn’t think you should go into that scary basement.

– Boy, black: Damn, shit, that is whack.

– Boy, Asian: He should be the biggest drinker of them all because you don’t believe in stereotypes.

– Boy, white: Macho tough guy, offensive, ignorant, dating the aforementioned nice girl.

– Girl, white/hispanic: Bitchy and slutty, must appear at least half-nude in order to have a successful film.

You might want to chuck in a helpful (or evil) old man, the only person working at the secluded petrol stations your characters are sure to stop at.

Voila, you have a recipe for success! Now go out and make me a horror film!

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.