Horoscope: Poor Pisces

Mystical brown man Nakul Legha looks ahead at what the year holds for you

 Pisces (18 February – 20 March)

On Mondays you will whinge relentlessly because it is Monday and that is what your disappointingly second rate genes have pre-disposed you to do. On Tuesdays you will sigh with mild discontent and your work colleagues will nod, partly out of sympathetic agreement but mostly from sheer bewilderment at that cardigan you still insist on wearing. Wednesdays will be plagued with the incessant drone of your voice harping on about humps and hump days and humping because you are the first person to realise Wednesday falls in the middle of the Western 5-day workweek. Nobody will like you on Thursdays. Yet, by Friday your friends and family will be resigned to the fact that this is just who you are: a terrible human being. It’s not your fault. After all, you are a Pisces.