Doing You

Phoebe is a first year PPE / Art History and Curatorship student. They say ‘write what you know’, so as an Explorer and Adventurer of all things pertaining to sexuality and a control freak looking to take risks, she’s decided to write this column. She will be discussing Sex from a different angle in each Edition.

Although sex does have its reproductive uses, I have been religiously avoiding testing out that function. I, therefore, am going to stick to talking about what I do know, and the function I do take advantage of, and that is the pleasure part.

Here is the sell: Tired of your partner’s inability to make you orgasm? Do you find it hard to just be in the moment and enjoy sex? Are you not quite ready to invite a friend to join in, but are still chasing that O? Or perhaps you’re even frustrated with your impressive ability to orgasm within three minutes? Well buddy, go fuck yourself. No really, please do – it will solve all your problems. Go. Do. Yourself.”

Sex with another person can be a lot of fun – sometimes even… like wow – but the intimacy of sex with a partner can be intimidating. Masturbation is a great way to get in touch with your own body and get comfortable with yourself, so that you can then be comfortable with someone else and just be in the moment. You need to find out what turns you on, how you like to be touched, and what leads you to orgasm.

Many of us are not gifted with the ability to get off solely using our imaginations, so we are left to navigating the frequently terrifying world of PORN. If you don’t want to be permanently scarred, or disgusted by the rampant objectification of women in porn, but still need a little stimulus to get yourself going, then start with solo porn. Some of it is actually surprisingly tasteful, and it will also give you a bit of inspiration as to what to do down there. Reading erotic fiction is also a whole different kind of sexy, some of it is escapist, but some is very intimate and authentic – a lot less confronting than some of the mainstream videos.

So maybe you’re pretty confident in bed and happy with your self-love habits, but you want an extra little challenge. If you can’t control when you orgasm, and you’re ready to step up your game, I have two challenges for you.

When you’re doing you, bring yourself as close to orgasm as possible, and then just stop. Leave yourself at the brink as many times as you can, and you’ll have the kind of orgasm they write erotic fiction about. After doing this for a while – and to be clear, it isn’t an exact science – you’ll have better control over when you orgasm during sex. This is good for quickies, long sessions, or that elusive simultaneous orgasm.

This brings me to challenge number two – aka the most underrated way to improve your sex life. You’ve probably heard about these somewhere on the sexvine, maybe you’re already a pro at them, but exercising your pelvic floor muscles holds untold benefits for your sex life. They’re so easy to do, just expand and contract like you would any other muscle – Google for the specifics. The best part is that it’s a work out you can do at any time, in any situation, in any clothes, in any position, and no one will know. There’s even an app to remind you.

The best thing about getting sexy with yourself is that it allows you to explore your sexuality in a way that can only goes as far as you let it. You are completely in control of your own exploration and orgasm. There is no pressure to please anyone apart from yourself. Sound good? Well go on then, go fuck yourself.