Fucking in the Face of Danger

[Full disclaimer: Author and Woroni take no responsibility if you do get caught having sex in public after reading this article.]

Earlier this year I wrote an article called “Summer of Love”, which highlighted 7 of the top spots on campus to have a romp in. However, I made the assumption that people who would go on to bump uglies in these locations were people who had already participating in public sex before. The previous article didn’t contain any tips on how to avoid being caught, or even what to do in these locations once you’re caught. So without further ado, here are my tips on how to have danger sex around campus without getting caught.

1. Wear appropriate clothing

I’m not talking about high vis vests and safety glasses, but if you’re thinking about have sex in public, you need to be discreet. Skirts work well for women, as you don’t need to take them off. Given that it is getting colder, maybe invest in some tights that provide easy access for the partner of your choice. For the guys – don’t wear a belt and use a pair of jeans that have a button fly instead of a zipper. Zippers hurt.

2. Keep the noise down

Where you’re on the roof, or in the basement of Hancock library, you’ll want to keep moans and groans to a minimum. I’m the kind of person who growls during sex, and you really don’t want that either. Part of the thrill is the possibility of getting caught, but being louder than necessary WILL get you caught. And the last thing you want is the librarian walking in on you and your partner. Or is it..?

3. Position, Position, Position

There are obvious positions to have sex in when you’re in a public area. Standing up, against a wall, in his arms, the list goes on. I can’t tell you what positions are best because its contextual, but be smart about it. There’s no point lying down on the tennis courts, you’re going to get grass burns.

4. Timing is everything

You don’t want to pick midday in the library; everyone is going to be there. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. When you’re going to fuck in public, you’re going to want to wait until the sun goes down.

5. Be Quick

The faster you are, the less chance you’re going to get caught. But at the same time, make sure both you and your partner are satisfied. The worst thing you can do is leave someone unsatisfied. That, and get caught.

There you have it! 5 quick tips to help with your sex life. Sex in public is an incredible amount of fun and something everyone should do once in their life. But don’t forget the importance of consent and safety. Always obtain the consent of your partner before embarking on this mission and use protection.

And one last thing – if you see someone having sex in public, don’t say anything about it, to them, to your friends, or on Stalkerspace. Don’t be that guy. Just walk away and pretend you didn’t see anything; you’ll be a better person for it.