Fists of Fury

When you think of fisting, what should come to mind is the image of a man with Popeye forearms elbow-deep in a woman’s vagina. At least, that’s what I imagined for a long time, until my boyish curiosity got the better of me one night and I decided it would be a funny thing to try.

Flashback to high school sex education, and remember being taught that a vagina is quite elastic, able to accommodate the eviction of an infant. So, my reasoning went, surely fisting isn’t just some confected pornography, because if a baby can come out, an entire hand can go in.

So one night, after many drinks, I settled in for a night of coitus with a young lady, and my experiment began. My reasoning went very much like the story about the Camel’s Nose In The Tent. By process of gradualism, I would fit my hand in there.

So, I began by introducing a digit, as is the style. Many will know (sorry, Engineering students, you can exit here) that after a minute or so, a second digit is easy to insert. What we’re talking about now is some stock-standard finger banging, but, if you follow my reasoning, it then becomes easy to insert a third finger.

Three fingers becomes a tight fit, but, marvel with me in the beauty of the human body, and believe me when I say that a fourth finger found accommodation soon after. Slip the thumb in with its mates and you soon have what is technically a fist up there.

I’m sorry to say that actually making a fist is difficult, and painful I can imagine. Regardless, the right way (I asked around) is to make one’s hand into the shape of a duck’s bill, and voila, you’re fisting like a pornstar.

The experience is something I would not do again, because it’s frankly boring, since once my curiosity was satiated, it was no more fun. It’s also something that you ought to signpost well in advance to your consenting partner, because even the name of the act itself invokes violent connotations in the mind.

For fans of Internet depravity, the existence of Goatse and 1Guy1Jar should lead you down a path of reasoning that suggests that this act is quite possible on the back bottom, and if you’ve tried, I’m sure Woroni would love for you to send some date-stamped pictures or a home movie through.

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.