Finding

I fell in love early
when I was sixteen and unafraid
with my best friend.
I didn’t know then
why I couldn’t stop thinking about her
and why I burned when she smiled at me
nor did I know
why I wanted to sleep next to her
and watch her wake in the morning
or why
adrenaline was a comfortable taste
and my resting heart rate was higher
I thought my friends would understand
I didn’t know then
that they’d stop smiling when I said her name
and look at me like I was lying
nor did I know
that they would tell their friends
and that I’d be stared at and branded a freak
or that on a Tuesday morning
there was a dead fsh in my locker
and a slur written across the door
I was stupid enough to think she’d love me back
I didn’t know then
that she’d grimace when I told her
and say it wasn’t right for me to love her
nor did I know
that she would leave my calls unanswered
and hate me for being me
or that
her parents would call mine
and I’d have to listen to my mother’s laugh when
I came out.
I fell in love
when I was sixteen and unafraid
I really wish I hadn’t.