Union Contacts Woroni: Admits Failure

 

ANU Union Chair, Josh Orchard, visited the Woroni offices on 18th July to discuss plans to dismantle the Union and its subsidiary bodies. This has been cited as the result of an inability to bring Brodburger to campus.

In exchange for positions on the Board, all members will be given the opportunity for positions of a missionary character. It is rumoured that all profits and assets will be ear-marked for the Palmer United Party.

According to Gary Oldman, Arts/Law student, “The Union is shit.”

The Union has made a statement that a deal is being signed with Brod-Kale. The website has not been updated to this effect. Close friends of Orchard intimated that he just never had the technological aptitude for Facebook.

When asked for comment, Josh Orchard broke down and started singing My Chemical Romance lyrics as he ran naked across North Oval.

Orchard intends to resign from the Union to take a job in the Brod- Kale parking lot in worship of his Election promise. Or at ANUSA, which is essentially the same thing.