Interracial dating is fun. From my experience, it has its pros. You get to learn about different people and their cultures. You open yourself up to new perspectives, experiences; you might even learn a whole new language while you’re at it! It’s really amazing! However, it’s not all fun and games. If you are a black girl who wears a wig, and you are dating a non-black man (or rather, just any man who isn’t familiar with black hair), there will come a time when you will need to let him know that your hair comes off at the end of the day.
This can be hella awkward, and so I’ve come to your rescue and have compiled a guide based what I’ve learned on how to make this experience as pain-free as possible.
- When he’s running his fingers through your hair
For some reason, men love to run their fingers through women’s hair. You start stressing that maybe you haven’t clipped it down properly, and then realised that there’s a possibility of him pulling it off! So maybe you should let him know that you’re wearing a wig while he’s doing this.
- When he pushes some hair behind your ear
Men love being all romantic and push some of your hair behind your ear, just like they do in the movies. Why not tell him while he’s doing that? When he leans over to push the hair behind your ear, whisper gently into his ear that this hair will come off if he tugs too hard! When you’re done with that, watch his face. It’ll be priceless.
- When he’s hugging you
You two are hugging, and maybe he’s taller than you. You’re scared that he can see the little dots on the lace front and ask you what’s wrong with your scalp. Or, if he doesn’t say anything, you don’t need to bring it up. Maybe even before he says anything, but you notice that he’s been staring at it for a while, tell him to not ruin his retinas.
- When you’re in bed with him
Honestly, if you’ve made it to bed with him, maybe, just maybe you should let him know in case he decides to get a bit kinky and pull on it. You might chuckle a bit when he asks you if you like the pulling, but, like, you literally cannot feel a thing. Once again, there’s the possibility that the wig could come off. So really, the only pain you’re feeling is the pain of the imminent embarrassment if the wig comes off or becomes lopsided. Before this can happen, gaze deeply into his eyes and seductively whisper, ‘babe, it’s a wig!’
- When you decide to swap the wig for your natural hair, or some box braids, or anything else
When you tell him that you wear wigs, remember to reiterate how versatile black hair is. He might be a bit alarmed though, seeing you with long silky hair one day, and a pixie cut the next. Let him know that it’s like getting to date multiple people because of your multiple hair changes!
- When he sees you without your wig for the first time
You’ll be nervous the first time that he sees you without your wig on. You might be self-conscious. Even a bit scared. And that’s okay. You know that you’re not ashamed of your natural hair, and you know that you’re beautiful, but you can’t help feeling this way. Opening yourself up in this way makes you feel vulnerable and exposed. He’ll tell you that you look great, and he loves how you look without the wig. And, of course you do, you definitely look great with the hair you were born with! You’ll cheekily retort that it’s not up to him how you wear your hair.
- When he’s a dick about the fact that you wear a wig
This isn’t something that you need to put up with. It’s your body. And even if you explain to him why you wear a wig (your reasons are valid, whatever they are), you don’t need to justify your choices to anyone. You need to be comfortable and feel safe. If he makes fun of you or makes you feel insecure about wearing a wig, then leave him!
All in all, reassure him that you do have hair, and no, you are not bald, and while you’re at it, teach him about protective hairstyles and why you wear the wig in the first place. Tell him about how black hair is typically very coarse and dry, so putting it in a protective style enables length retention, growth, and protects the ends of your hair because you’re not frequently combing or brushing it. He will be curious and eager to know more! Remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a wig. You have your reasons for doing so, and no one should try to make you feel bad for doing so. Also, make sure to throw in a little talk about touching black hair: don’t you ever do it!
Prisca Ochan is a second-year law/political science student and a frequent wearer of wigs.