The night before Woroni and Observer hosted the ANUSA election debate, we sat down to watch a quite different student politics affair. Julian Lenarch’s How to Vote! is one of the latest entries into the Stupol literary canon, alongside the 2004 UniMelb documentary State of the Union and Chaser alum Dominic Knight’s 2010 USyd headcanon novel Comrades.

The play follows the ingenious plot of Stupol fixer and outgoing student union president Natasha, who opens the play with a relatable (at least for one of these reviewers) monologue of being a public service brat whose introduction to the halls of power far too young set in motion an obsession with Machiavellian politics.

Interspersed amongst sex scandals, satanic rituals resembling a pre-COVID Young Labor AGM, and subterfuge involving a conniving student journalist, is the trial and tribulations of Natasha’s three victims and the candidates of the night’s election.

The first, Giles, is a drunkard, secretly bicurious third-year private school alum who stands for the residential colleges and the “elite” like him. The second, Lizzie, a third-year arts student whose boyfriend cast her in a solo performance of Mao’s Last Dancer and who targets the “persuadable and involved”. The third, Monica, is a bumbly off-campus first-year who runs solely to “fill the hole” on the road outside a bus stop in which she broke her leg.

Giles and Lizzie target their respective demographics of big-names-on-campus (BNOCs), res-hall committees, finance bros, and clubs and societies, while Lizzie targets the hole, the hole, and the hole (none of which were a “sex thing”, as several characters wondered).

The climax of the campaign comes in the first half of the second act with a chaotic debate in which the seasoned hacks Giles and Lizzie yell over each other about drivel and break out into a physical fight, while Monica zones out and rotely repeats “Fill the Hole!” in response to questions in much like Lois Griffin in an early episode of Family Guy.

The play features a unique viewer interaction experience. As viewers step out into Gorman House’s dingy courtyard for the intermission, they are hounded by pamphleteers for the three candidates. (No orange lanyards in this theatre, sorry.) Later, after the debate, viewers are asked to scan a QR code leading to a ballot to vote for which candidate they think should win. 

Whether the results actually affect the ending — the crowning of a new campus president — is anyone’s guess, but it kept the audience on the edge of their seats.

The impacts of stupol on “real” life were on full display, with each of the candidates and Natasha’s relationships with their partners thoroughly undermined by the time demands of political headkicking and Gossip Girl-esque scheming.

Ultimately our main characters are forced to reflect on why they even nominated for the election in the first place, given how much they would lose over the campaign. As many hacks can attest to: “because I was asked”, Giles and Lizzie tell each other during the gut wrenching wait for the returning officer to post the final result.

The play was scheduled for four hours (7pm to 11pm), and ran for about three, but at no point did we feel the need to look at our watches. 

The performances, particularly from Mia Gottlieb as Natasha, Marcus Young as the scandalously unethical journalist Figaro, and frequent Woroni poet Christian Panetta as headkicker Warren, were excellent and convincing portrayals of the stock BNOC characters they were written to reflect.

Overall, the show was an enjoyable pastiche of the life of overimportant student politics hacks.

[4/5]

Adriano Di Matteo and Joseph Mann are members of the Australian Labor Party. Joseph Mann was assistant secretary of Australian Young Labor (ACT Branch) from 2019 to 2021.