Consumer Protection groups have recently mobilized a suit against Cadbury for false advertising. They claim that, contrary to Cadbury’s persistent use of phrase “Turkish Delight,” the nation is evidently not delightful.
The lawsuit comes following an attempted military coup in the Middle Eastern State, which occurred just last weekend. The coup left many analysts stunned. Many could not determine which side was worse: a man who wants to singlehandedly turn one of the only democracies in the region into a dictatorship, or a bunch of manifestly incompetent generals who think that the best way to protect democracy is to overthrow a democratically elected leader?
Keen to avoid court proceedings, Cadbury has responded by offering a settlement. When pressed for comment the Head of Public Relations had this to say:
“As part of settlement proceedings, we will be recalling our ‘Turkish Delight’ branded chocolates and replacing them with ‘Turkish Dismay’. Of course, this is not just an empty gesture… we will also be changing the recipe significantly.”
The new recipe will be released under the trade name “Turkish Dismay”. The confectionary will be similar to chocolate bullets. Instead of a licorice filling, however, the center will be the expended shells of Kalashnikov rifles, lightly coated in the blood of dead dissidents.
As a purge against the internal forces that President of Turkey Erdogan believes to be disloyal to his government is being carried out (which at this juncture appears to be anyone except him and the sock puppet he talks to during the peaks of his megalomania), there appears only one clear winner. That winner is our very own Director of the Centre for Arab and Islamic Studies, Distinguished Professor Amin Saikal AM, whom during the first reports of the coup and the days immediately following, made a tidy profit reporting analyzing events on 24-hour news channels. The Distinguished Professor had this to say:
“Nothing subsidizes one’s income quite like a Middle Eastern coup! I mean people at this point are sick of Syria. It’s the same picture every day! Children getting barrel bombed can get repetitive. But Turkey! Boy this is dramatic – Australians actually vaguely know where that is… thanks to Halal Snack Packs and the ANZAC Day Mythos… they actually almost give a shit!”