The Signs as ANU Revues

 

Law Revue  

Aries/Libra: Sociable, thrives in networkable circles. Charismatic. Gets funding and knows how to use it. Longstanding and reliably witty. Oscillates between downright obnoxious and quietly hardworking. Often funny, but don’t ask too many questions, you peasant. Impulsive. Often forgets their actions have consequences. Annoyed by people who can’t see or comprehend their grand vision. Thinks they’re the best because they have their own website. 

 

Women’s Revue 

Taurus/Scorpio: The Arts Revue’s cool lesbian cousin. So seamless and smooth that their slow-burning anger is almost forgotten. Tendency to get into awkward situations. Always has snacks on hand. Deliciously bitter and blunt when need be. Forgets that humour isn’t a substitute for therapy. Strong meme game. Trustworthy. Opinionated, not afraid to put their views forward and loudly. Intimidating to those who aren’t on their good side. Their power increases every time the word ‘feminazi’ is said unironically.  

 

Arts Revue  

Sagittarius/Gemini: Here for a good time not a long time, baby! Spontaneous and energetic, they have no time for traditionalists or the logic of STEM. Everybody needs a bit of chaos, and they’re gonna prove it (if the writers haven’t gone to find themselves in Europe already). Uncontrollably switches between intellectual pretension and general pandemonium. Physically unable to hold a conversation without mentioning Foucault and/or Rousseau. Scared Women’s Revue will take their limelight. 

 

Ethnocultural Revue  

Leo/Aquarius: The new kid on the block. Creative, progressive, and unashamedly original. Hates being ignored. Ambitious, and loudly so. Bold enough to improvise and take the quirky risks few other signs dare to take. Has some rough bits to smooth out, but strongly believes in self-growth. Hates boring traditionalists and people who disagree with them. Matches only Women’s Revue in bitter comedy. Do NOT engage in an argument – you will lose. 

 

Science Revue  

Pisces/Virgo: Sensitive yet wise, a balancing of logic and imagination. High standards. Popular. Distressed by disorder, struggles with knowing that not everyone is going to like them. Annoyed by the pandemonium of Arts Revue. Has a habit of reusing jokes. Risks overworking themselves. Has conflicting feelings about Med Revue. Fact checks people who annoy them. Loves small details, punctuality, and pens that write smoothly.  

 

Med Revue  

Cancer/Capricorn: Underrated, doesn’t have topical controversies the other revues get to play with. Has an inherent creativity that gets taken for granted. Excellent promo videos. Deep belief in a love that will save the healthcare system. Gets jealous easily. Chronic overthinkers. Needs to tone down the jokes about the numbness of being alive. Methodical organisers and good with money. Extremely huggable.