Greetings fellow students, my name is [SUPREME LEADER] and I am putting myself forward for the position of [PRESIDENT] of your student union! I am running on an [INDEPENDENT] ticket with fellow [STAUNCH UNIONISTS]. Vote 1 [INTERLINK ANUSA] for a [UNION] union.

I am running for [PRESIDENT] because, having spent the last year as [VICE SECRETARY], I’ve seen the breadth of what a [LEFT-WING ACTIVIST] union can do! In my term I will [ABOLISH CAPITALISM] and [BOMB THE CHANCELLERY]. I will advocate for and represent all students because I am one of you – a person.

I am a truly Independent candidate whose funding comes solely from [THE MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX] and this means I am the best candidate to advocate for you and your interests, such as the expansion of [AUKUS].

I will personally achieve [FREE TERTIARY EDUCATION] by [DEFUNDING THE BKSS]. I am an [ENERGISED] and [AUTHENTIC] biological human being who truly has your interests at heart. I am sick of seeing our University troubled by [PESTILENCE AND LOCUSTS] and I will draw on my extensive experience in [CORPORATE LOBBYING] to put an end to this injustice. I plan to put an end to [SERVICE PROVISION] and will direct ANUSA’s resources to funding [SCHMIDTPOSTING DEBATES]. 

I know students are stressed about [COURSE CUTS], I will remove this uncertainty and stress by [CUTTING ALL COURSES]. I will bolster the rights of students on-campus by having the University recognise them as [LANDLORDS] and assigning them a [SECOND, POORER] student, to [PAY THEM A WEEKLY DIVIDEND].

I have lived on campus at [BURGLODGE] throughout my [LAW]/[LAW] degree and in that time I have become familiar with the struggles of the average student. I have met with and heard from a kaleidoscope of perspectives, ranging from [FIRST YEAR LAW STUDENT] to [SECOND YEAR LAW STUDENT] and this extensive consultation has informed my [112 PAGE POLICY MANIFESTO].

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.