I am bored of sitting all alone on this grey metal-brazed bench, it is rather giving me a chill now. It seemed everything around me had come to a standstill by the enchanting spell of the old lady, sitting at the other end of the hall smoking cigar. The only thing that seemed free is the smoke from the cigar, soaring monstrously high above, howling with rage ready to spread havoc in all directions. This day wouldn’t have arrived if I would have just said “No”, but I couldn’t. I fell for the black-veiled man, who treacherously pushed me into darkness and the seduction of the bright glossy pouted lips with silvery shadowed eyes.
I can still recall the day when it all began. The day, my parents decided to throw me out of the house, never to speak to me again because I am gay. It seemed as if I was a shame to them, a disgrace in front of the society. “You should consult a doctor, it’s curable son, it is just a disease,” such were their remarks. Why can’t I have the freedom to live, to love whomever I want, to be happy? Why should I suffer in the name of society?
It’s been five years now since I left home and decided to continue my life’s journey alone. Living a life of a gay-sex worker, is not easy. Although, you have a sense of freedom but, the sense of guilt and voidness that accompanies it, is painful. Everyday it is a new struggle, a new challenge.
Sitting on this metal bench at the bus station made me realise how much I miss my family. I have decided to start a new beginning, to live life to its fullest without feeling any shame or guilt. I plan to complete my education and be a professor, just as I had dreamed throughout my childhood.
Life, though it is a short journey, it is beautiful. Standing at the edge of life’s mountain and looking at the deep trench beneath, one can only behold the beauty of nature. The cool breeze whispering some untold stories, the rugged mountains reminding the highs and lows of life, the golden rays of sun bearing the light of success and the serenity and silence that engulfs the surroundings. I want to fly high into the sky and conquer the cloud of my dreams. I will not allow the society to dictate the way I want to live. I am ‘GAY’, and I am proud of who I am.
“They want us to believe that to be queer, to be trans, to be confused, to be questioning is
equivalent to being a sinner but conveniently forget that we are all sinners in God’s eyes” – Courtney Carola.