Air Essential for Life

A recent ANU/CSIRO joint initiative made the discovery that air was indeed essential to life. The study comes in wake of government cuts, which have forced the science department to rediscover discoveries made centuries ago.

Working without a lab, the scientist made the discovery when they got one of their number to stop breathing for an extended period of time, whilst another scientist kept breathing as a control. After the scientist failed to respond, the test was repeated with same results, creating scientific proof.

The scientists were baffled by the discovery with one heard stating, “We previously thought breathing was only useful for ingesting tobacco smoke and blowing bubbles under water. This leads us to wonder many new things about the body, such as the nature of the red stuff that come out of it when one gets cut”.

This is but the latest scientific discovery to come from the ANU, following the discovery of fire and the wheel last year. It is widely believed that following the appointment of VC Brian Schmidt, the university has redirected funds towards science, and away from areas such as law, where students are now learning to settle disputes through methods such as jousting and trial by battle .

The VC is reportedly proud of the discovery, and believes that given the circumstances, these discoveries rank alongside his own Nobel Prize, as well as other major ANU discoveries in medicine that have been credited with saving thousands of lives.

It is hoped that the scientists involved in the discovery will survive the common threat of being burnt at the stake for being a witch. Due to the current speed of the Australian Internet, it is also unlikely that this discovery will be able to be shared with the rest of the world in the near future.

We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.