A Love Letter On Valentine's Day

Dear, you,

Valentine’s Day has never meant anything to me. In my mind, if two people truly love each other, every day could be Valentine’s Day. If they don’t, there’s no point celebrating it.

But this year, everything’s different for me since I’ve had you. On this day, all I can say to you is thank you.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for being you and thank you for being with me.

I have always been isolated. Deep inside, I don’t trust human beings. My family is a mess. People never try to understand and love each other; instead, they hate and fight, caring only about how to gain more and pay less. But they never succeed, either emotionally or materially. That’s why there’s not a place called ‘family’ in my heart.  As for friendship, several betrayals and uncomfortable attempts at ingratiation have given me a phobia of it. Now I’ve learnt to be myself, distrustful and selective though I am, and paid the price of friendlessness as a result. 

But everything’s changed since I met you.

I never believed in fate, but now I wonder if there is actually a magic in the world that binds us, two totally different strangers, together. We are so different in nationalities, languages, cultures and backgrounds, but it’s amazing that we understand each other even better than our compatriots. It’s weird that only when I’m with you do I feel safe, warm and peaceful. 

I love our small talks beside Lake Burley Griffin, about our past and our future, our struggles and our hopes. Our eyes look in the same direction in the distance, with our hands held together. I love hugging you and falling asleep soundly as if all my troubles and worries have been driven away. I love us playing slapsticks and curling up on the sofa watching movies together, creating a homely warmth that I thought I had lost in childhood.

Thank you for being a friend, a family, a lover, and a comrade.

Do you remember how much I love Jo from Little Women? Just like her, freedom has been the most valuable thing in my life. But I’ve been so damn lonely. I enjoy solitude, but I’ve been fed up with loneliness. I want to love and to be loved.

We never said ‘love’ to each other. Maybe it’s too sacred a word for us to touch. Or maybe it’s a word carrying a responsibility too heavy for us to bear. 

Remember the time when you asked me if I was in love or not?  I hesitantly answered ‘maybe’ and that was the only lie I have ever told you. 

The truth is, I loved you. I still love you.

We never know how to define ‘love,’ and I’ve always thought that it’s pointless to call all these sentimental emotions ‘love’ despite the subtle differences among them. But if you asked me again, I would call it ‘love,’ for the rapid heartbeats when you’re walking with me and the physical warmth in my heart when I’m close to you, for all the hopes in life you’ve brought me and for all the reliance I’ve placed on you.

But there’s no need to be afraid if you don’t feel the same. We shouldn’t feel obligated to love someone back simply because they love you. Love happens when it happens. You can’t force it by trying to speak it into existence. I won’t be a partner that continuously asks, “Do you love me?” to confirm your love. In fact, I’ll never ask it. For me, when love is there, it’s best felt as a wordless experience rather something to be repeated out loud so often it loses all meaning.

We agree that our primary concern, for now, is the pursuit of our future, but sometimes the ‘future’ seems like an illusion. For me, life doesn’t have a destination; it is simply going through. All I can do is to live in the present and to cherish every moment that I share with you.

So, again, thank you. Thank you for your mere existence in my life.

If I were to make a wish, I would wish to love you today, and for one day more.

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