Update 28 August: ‘Divorced Dads for ANUSA’ has withdrawn from the ANUSA elections.
‘Divorced Dads for ANUSA,’ headed by Elijah Smith and Ben Wicks, have announced their ticket for the upcoming 2021 ANU Students’ Association Election. After supposedly being left by their respective wives, Susan and Darlene, and being cast out of society as “political failures” they plan to use their platform to advocate for the needs and welfare of divorced dads on campus which includes installing Scott Caminetti as Vice Chancellor and converting the Kambri lawns into a non-profit cage fight arena. The pair plan to contest two NUS Delegate positions to be “your voice fighting for your ex-wife back at the National Conference and will sit with the NLS”.
Smith and Wicks stated that they “[h]eard NLS have the best drinks so will probably hang out with that mob”, and said that “the only thing we hate more than our ex-wives new boyfriends, Brentàn and Clarence, is Scumo, so were both proud members and backers of the union boys in the ALP”.
Among their policies and intentions, Elijah and Ben are launching the ticket with a platform that is “simpler then [sic] microwaving the ready-made meals we’ve have [sic] lived off for the past year.”
Their platform includes increasing the transparency of the University’s finances and expenses, which includes providing an accurate quote of the cost of Chancellor Julie Bishop’s office in Perth, and ensuring that the University’s newly purchased land for a planned bus stop is used in the interest of students.
A full list of their policies are detailed below:
- Win Back Susan and Darlene and get something nice to put up in the pool room
- Scotty Cam for Chancellor (VC will be decided by an on campus block season hosted by the new chancellor)
- Getting my brickie mate Glen to do a quote on Julies expensive bloody office to see how much of a stitch up it was
- Actually whilst we’re at it just making sure Glen and his mate Dale give us a quote on all the building so we can get a sweet deal
- Converting Kambri Lawns into a cage fight arena cos pay per view is expensive
- Ensuring that the new bus stop block of land we paid top dollar for is used for a whole of community good, like a Bunnings.
- Out drinking all the bloody nerds at national conference (Weve built up a 2 slab a day tolerance when the kids aren’t around obviously)
- Fighting the ACT government to consider the boys intimate partners at least on footy night
Wicks and Smith state that “there will be more to come and more detailed plans coming soon but the deck needs another oiling before this bloody rain comes”.
Smith is also running for Clubs Officer on the ticket ‘Get Sh!t Done for ANUSA’.