Moroni: Government Dumps The Carbon Tax, Proposes The 'Pearl' Act

 

After much deliberation and even the threat of a double dissolution, last Thursday the government successfully passed their proposed repeal of the carbon tax. This Monday, Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced the PEARL Act, or the Pacifying Environmentalists And Reefs Levy Act.

“This is not a tax,” said Prime Minister Abbott upon questioning of how this was different from the carbon tax or the ETS. A Sky News reporter quickly followed up with “What is it then?” to which Mr Abbott replied, “This is what a tax is not.”

A spokesperson from the Department of the Environment was contacted to elaborate on the specifics of the Act and what it would entail for the Australian people.

“The essential idea is that the revenue accrued from the levy, which is not a tax, would go towards a research fund, namely the Governmental Operations Legal Fund (GOLF). The money going to GOLF would be used for the exploration and development of new initiatives to mitigate the negative effects of climate change. We estimate that over the next two decades GOLF will counteract damage to the environment by 50%.”

The Department of the Treasury declined to comment on the Act, although Treasurer Joe Hockey was spotted stumbling in the car-park in a banana suit with Passion Pop bottles taped to his hands.