ANU Vigorously Prostitutes To Fetishes of Narcissists

On 25th July the ANU Council convened to debate a wide range of important issues. Amongst the many mind-boggling topics that were discussed, the ANU Council heard a proposal to establish the Sub-Committee for Naming, responsible for the naming of ANU assets.

Colin Taylor, Director of Endowment for Excellence (that’s his actual title), said that the Sub-Committee would “meet potential high-profile clientele with a fetish for writing their names on physical and non-physical assets.” A suggestion has been put forward to give a name to the deep-rooted nihilistic angst of the ANU Socialist Alternative.

There were immediate proposals of nameless things that the Sub-Committee for Naming could name, namely the Cam Wilson Gender Institute, the Marnie Hughes-Warrington Bar, the  Peter Slipper School of Finance, the Ian Young Center for Mutually Beneficial Governmental Relations  and The Balls of Gareth Evans (in reference to the stone spheres around campus that prevent the passage of vehicles).

This new direction has also stirred strong  attention from outside the university with a Tony Abbott Scholarship For My Daughters being ejaculated from across Lake Burley Griffin and even unconfirmed rumours overseas of a North Korean bid for ‘The Eternal President’s Fund for Advanced Nuclear Research’.

The incredibly well endowed Colin Taylor concurs with the council opinion that the potential for names to be a “come-hither for other future benefactors.”