Four bagels popping out of a metallic toaster.

An Ode to Vegemite

Brown, glistening, viscous and spreadable

Pretty much looks like literal shit

Dispersed sporadically over cold, burnt toast

The perfect combination of fats and carbs

Makes for a surprisingly bitter sensation

A taste just as salty as my attitude

Delivers stained teeth almost instantly

Ensures the breath smells mitey bad

Embarrassment puts a rose in every cheek

Attempted diversification of cooking potential

Vegemite lamb roasts aren’t fooling anyone

B vitamins do nothing for immunity

Yet still marketed as a health staple

For some reason, an Australian cultural icon

Made from beer manufacturing waste

Briefly pinched by the Americans (typical!)

Poorly imitated by the British overlords

The traditionalists wouldn’t have it any other way.