CAUTION: May contain ideas different from your own.
Are you a self professed intellectual struggling to win arguments online? Struggling to get laid with so many misandrists and lesbians trapping you in the friendzone? Struggling to pick between a bucket hat and a fedora for tonight’s shindig?
Just as your brothers before you, your agony can be traced to the growing pestilence known as feminism.
This movement for world domination aims to destroy manhood and is the leading cause of testicular cancer.
Feminists can be easily recognised and managed if you know how to spot them. An air of confidence easily distinguishes a feminist, as if they are proud to be a woman?? (Don’t forget; men can’t be feminists because the word has FEM in it, which may threaten masculinity). They may also have a misguided sense of importance, which in turn leads to them talking about themselves and other women occasionally. This is a trap. Raising your voice over hers and giving your superior opinion on current issues is the best way to remind her how attractive humility and subservience are.
Some feminists will also bring up the topic of “respect” in conversation – if so, run! They will probably broach the subjects of consent and – worst of all – “rape culture”, a highly fictionalised idea that diminishes the ability to court a lady. I mean, when Prince Phillip kissed Sleeping Beauty while she was sleeping in 1959, it was “romantic” and “chivalrous”, but when Tyler kissed Sarah while she was sleeping in 2015 he was “a menace” and “had to stop picking locks on bedroom doors”. See how the advent of feminism has ruined everything?
The worst feminists, however, are the ones who can’t take a joke. They play dirty mind tricks to try and convince you it’s YOUR fault a joke YOU made makes THEM feel unsafe or uncomfortable. These feminists are a lost cause. With “independent agency” and an “awareness of the everyday gender biases that subtly inform almost all of their interactions,’ they almost definitely will not want to date you. Don’t bother with pity; it’s too late for them now.
With this helpful guide, you should now be able to identify feminists quickly and make efficient escapes. Keep this in mind as you make your way through the top levels of the social hierarchy in 2016.