1. Les Bleus! Everyone thought they knew the script. You all said New Zealand would win. Correct so far. You all said that France didn’t deserve to be there. Well no, guess they didn’t, but there they nonetheless were. You all said that it would be a walkover. Wrong. Catastrophically, abysmally wrong. France showed up on Grand Final night and produced an Eiffel Tower-raising performance. Now that’s especially amazing, since, despite my fear of stereotypes, I assume they all go through at least a pack a day?
2. Craig Joubert. There were a number of players who played quite well for the All Blacks, most of them hailing from New Zealand (bombshell). However, certainly one of the standouts for the Kiwis was South African referee Joubert, who, along with Richie McCaw, was a constant thorn in the French side all night. Well done him.
3. Casey Stoner. Australian MotoGP rider Stoner has claimed his second world championship. That’s it. There was going to be the standard sarcastic quip after that, most likely concerning the fact that he looks like a tranquilized meerkat. But it’s the MotoGP, and that just doesn’t warrant the time, effort, nor page space. Good job Casey Stoner
4. Manchester United. Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City. Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City at home. Beaten 6-1 by Manchester City at home in a derby game between 1st and 2nd in the EPL. It’s so beautiful it’s very nearly poetic. Oh and they lost 6-1.
5. Mario Balotelli. Italian Man City striker Balotelli recently had a spot of bother after he, with the help of some pals, managed to set fire to his own house. That’s slightly dumb, although perhaps understandable. How, you may wonder, did this innocent little mishap occur? Well, turns out they were setting off fireworks in his bathroom. That’s extremely dumb and made me fall off my chair in something resembling an epileptic fit.
6. The A-League. The A-league continues this week. I’ve heard some teams are doing well. That must be lovely.
7. Some random Czech PCL. Reportedly, a Czech football referee was so very sloshed during the match he was officiating that he took it upon himself to send off three players, from the same team, for no apparant reason. AND they had to keep playing because there is no official rule that prevents an intoxicated referee from taking charge of a match. Latest reports suggest that, pending termination of his career, the maligned official has applied for Johns XXIII.
8. Sydney Roosters. It appears as though the chooks have decided to sign Daniel Mortimer. Not to pre-judge, but it would seem as though things better than that decision include tuberculosis.
9. My reader. It serves my ego occassionally to believe that there is, somewhere, remarkably, a person out there who has read team of the fortnight with something along the lines of regularity. To whomever you are, I say this: thankyou, and seek professional help, there’s clearly something not quite right with you. Mostly the thankyou thing though.
10. Now for my final thought. This is the last team of the fortnight for the year, and it’s a chance to reflect upon what we’ve learnt together. The most poignant lesson? Sports stars are, as a rule of thumb, dumb. Extremely dumb. It’s almost unfair quite how dumb some of them are. It’s a slight paradox though, for if they were not quite so dumb, then I would be short on material. So, genetically blessed simpletons, I salute you for your gaffes, blunders, stuffups, and generally astounding level of social and professional dysfunctionality. What would we do without you?
