A large crowd of distressed onlookers who felt really sorry for an abandoned, yet not so ugly, duckling in the pond near chemistry will be pleased to know compassionate folks from CPAS rescued it later that day. The team of amateur poultry rescuers from the Centre for the Public Awareness of Science, who wish to remain anonymous, outwitted the hapless duckling using a large plastic tub, a smattering of good luck, a lady with a pink umbrella, and a tall man wading round the pond. Despite being abandoned by its mum, which apparently they do to the weakest of the litter, the little fighter was zooming round the pond; diving, zooming, ducking (naturally) and weaving and proved quite an evasive target. In a thrilling conclusion, the rescuers were eventually fortunate that while the duckling was swimming underwater, it managed to find its way into a half submerged plastic tub.
'Those natural selection bypassing bastards just got lucky, i should be free to face the trials and tribulations of ducklinghood alone, screw my mum', the duckling said. 'And now they wanna take me to WIRES, it's a frickin' detention centre I tells ya - i was big, like almost the size of a tea cup, i would have made it on my own. Bloody do-gooders. Quack you!'
Playing a pivotal role in the duckling's rescue, Woroni newspaper was used to line the box the duckling was kept in. While other newspapers were no where to be seen, copies of Woroni on a nearby flyer table rushed to assist. In a twist that remains a mystery to science, as the duckling crapped on Woroni's caring and absorbent pages it became almost indistinguishable amongst the words on the page.
When asked for comment, Woroni editors responded with glee and enthusiasm. "THAT'S THE BEST" wrote newly elected editor and dashing gentleman, Nakul Legha.
"Duck shit found to be comprised of literary genius" muses editor and resident zeitgeist, Lisa Visentin; adding "Centre for public awareness of science makes important discovery - ANU populace entirely unaware of its existence".
The celebrations were too much for some, "I LOVE DUCKLINGS!" says Zid Mancenido, fresh from his afternoon at 'the nash' with Miranda Kerr.
