Exam time: tis the season to be indoors and studying while we begrudge our friends in other cities that have already completed their academic year. The taunts of possible happiness do not end there, the weather is the complete opposite of the Canberra stereotype but the ducks and the unemployed are the only ones free to enjoy it.
The exam season brings change; having fun is suddenly a stressful activity, No-Doze becomes a food group and there is enough room for an anti-carbon tax rally on the ICBM dance floor on Thursday night. The most significant change is arguably in the temperaments and sensitivity of those planning to vomit 3 months exertion or a collaboration of 15 other people’s notes in the space of 2 or 3 hours.
A few rules need to be followed in order to navigate the period without ending up as a part of the concrete foundations of the new UniLodge. The first and most important is do not chatter within elected study zones. Libraries are obviously part of this zone but exams have a way of colonising previously fun places as spaces for rote learning and coffee sipping only. This includes dining rooms where food is now a side to reading material, previously unsuccessful cafes that are ideal for their lack of people and ample table space and anywhere else formerly associated with fun and conveniently close to refreshments.
The second is that even is you are certain you will get 120% in your exam, have already finished exams or never had them in the first place, you must constantly put on a facade of an imminent failure and a hate for life. As Good Charlotte recently whined in a top 40 hit, ‘don’t you know misery loves company?’ If you are happy during exam period then you are not in Canberra or you have no friends.
The third rule is do not touch anyone else’s study notes. Readable and thorough study notes are more sought after than a sighting of the Queen. Treat them like you would treat someone else’s Macbook, they’re precious, no one else understands them and you are condemned to relentless tears if you spill liquid on them. Although, relentless tears is an expected part of exam season anyway.
Exam time brings out the worst in people. No body wants to be held accountable for the atrocities committed in order to succeed - like the leaders of a badly run Libyan insurgence campaign. Blood will be spilt (by paper cuts), exam invigilators will be a bit too passionate about whether your phone is on and your REM cycle will be long forgotten. This is the complete opposite to usual student life. Indeed, if it were not for Parliament House, Canberra would be unrecognisable.
